Showing posts from January, 2012

shades of grey

My father says a lot of wise things.. Sometimes I wish there was a tape recorder in my head so that I could record all that he says and play it back time and again when I am in need of comfort. 

Today he talked to me about his childhood days, the barriers he overcame and the importance of hard work. And a line he said stuck in my head- We come in 
different shades of grey..we pick our

own colours as we grow older.. It is so true.. All of us do not start off in the race track from the same starting point.. Some of us are born with advantages over others.. And yet, what we make of this race of life depends all on us. We could choose to build up our endurance and stamina, and sprint all the way to the finish line and make something out of our lives.. Or we could dilly-dally and stroll, wasting away all the opportunities that God has handed to us..



vande mataram

My nation might have many negative connotations attached to it. Its people might have done a lot of bad in this world, might not have the best outlook in the world.. I might come from one of the states that is rather given a step sister treatment.. But at the end of the day, I am proud to call myself an Indian.
Bound by an invisible bond to all things Indian.
Feel a sort of fellowship with my fellow Indians..
Still get goosebumps when I hear the National Anthem or song..

Vande Mataram!!


Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish By its Ability To Climb A Tree, It Will Spend Its Whole Life thinking it’s stupid- Einstein

I guess, Einstein did not just figure out the complexities of science, but also that of life.
The idea he expressed through that quote is exactly what daunts me as I try and figure out life's purpose.. What if I end up someplace I do not end up appreciating..

What if I end up on a path far suited for me?
What is that one thing I know I am better than anybody else at?
Ask me this, and my mind draws a blank. I know I do have in me certain capabilities- I learn quickly, I can churn out decent pieces of work from time to time, if I like something, I can stay focused on it for a long time... I also know what I am not good at- speaking in public, having to process ideas and then forming my own opinions, framing questions from what I have learned..

But how does all this fit into the grand puzzle of my life? How does it answer the big question mark tha…




And as my mother and I took in the smell of roasted peanuts, the chatter of the monkeys, and the bustle of some going about their daily chores, a mist from nowhere descended upon Kasauli, covering us all in a grey opaque blanket.. Soon, the greens of the trees and whites of the buildings around us transformed to nothingness and we found ourselves lost in the darkness.

Us and them

The amount of hatred and bitterness that exists in this world never fails to shock me. Just this week, there circulated a video of Indian BSF Forces inhumanely treating a Bangladeshi villager.. Abuses were hurled, he was stripped down, and beaten. What struck me the most were how these men were laughing and relishing the torture of this poor man who just lay on the ground begging for mercy. It was heartbreaking and infuriating to say the least.

And what also shocked me was the response that this video got on Youtube. Yes, the forces were Indian. Yes, the victim was from Bangladesh. But does that really mean that every Indian condones this act of sadistic violence and thinks less of all their neighbours. Does it mean every Hindu is out there looking to insult or kill Muslims or vice versa.

As an Indian, I am ashamed of the violence perpetuated upon others by my countrymen. And yet I am also defensive of the criticisms that is aimed at them. India is by no means a fair country. Coming …


lost bird. doesn't know which way to fly. being told- this way. no, that way. feels so lost. wants to explore the world. longs to unfurl the little dreams it holds inside. looks inwards but finds white noise. outside. the cacophony of noises drowns out its little squeaks. 

little bird. feels so average. big dreams hover over its head. loved ones have such big hurdles they want it to cross. deep down, it hesitates scared. it knows it needs to fly, but it knows not the capacity of its little wings. can it get it as far as others want it to go, or will it crash and burn. 

hopeful bird. wants to dream. wants to discover. wants to achieve. what, it knows not.  flutters around hoping for an answer. answer it finds not. 

how long will this go on?  does this foolish bird know not, the early bird catches the worm.

have you felt like an ostrich lately?

If there is one thing in this world that I abhor, as much as moths and butterflies and horror movies, it is public speaking. There is something about this task that makes me almost want to bury my head in the sand and hope no one looks my way.

I remember back in Welham, Mrs Salaria, our English teacher would have these Just-a-minute sessions where everyone had to stand in front of the class and speak on a topic for a minute.
Everytime it was my turn, I would just stand in front of the class, beet-root red cheeks and eyes all watery, and stare at the floor.
She would coax me to piece together at least one sentence, and to her credit, she did finally manage to get a sentence or two in the last few classes, but that was all..

Now that I am here, I think back to those days a lot.. In my Manchester years, I managed to dodge a couple of presentations- either through some sort of bartering whereby I wrote 1000 words in a report for a friend in exchange of her speaking two minutes on my beha…

auld lang syne

One song that always takes me back to my Welham days is the 'Auld Lang Syne'.. our days as SCs (Class 12 students) when after every 'last school event', we would link arms and make a circle and sing aloud this wonderful song we barely knew the lyrics to.. 

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne* ? For auld lang syne, my jo (or my dear),
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !and gie's a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
for auld lang syne. For auld lang syne, my jo (or my dear),
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne. (BBC Orchestra Version for New Years)

to be happy

It is the beginning of the year and therefore time to bring out the diary.. scribble out what you would like or not like in this new year.. think about the year gone by and what you would like to change or keep for this year..
I will write mine right here..

I once read somewhere about the reply John Lennon gave as a kid when he was asked the question 'What do you want to be when you grow up'.. He just said 'happy'.. Not 'engineer'. Not 'doctor'. Not 'Prime Minister'.
I think that is all there is to life- to be happy.. We often lose track of this very notion of just being happy and get so caught up in a maze of ambitions that we forget to take a breath and remember why we are there in the first place.
There are so many people out there, trying to pull people down, trying to tell them they are useless. They go on Youtube and twitter and all sorts of social media to bring down celebrities, or even hurl abuses at passer-bys on the road... Seeing it …