Swiss Cheese and Swamps. And yes, an Inn
What is it about talking to particular friends that brings out a side in you, a side usually masked and shielded. Like that glass rose in Beauty and the Beast?
That part of the world where we have a tab of our weaknesses and fears. That part of the world where there is a hall of mirrors where we keep our fragile side.
Talking and discussing fears brought me to such a room. Of mirrors. No escape routes. No parachutes to shield the fall.
I fear losing the people I care about so much. Yes, I know, it does not make me a One-in-a-billion person, everybody fears it. But it's my greatest fear. The friend in this case talked about deletion of people who got too close. And it instilled in me, a fear. You see, my life is like the Ozone layer (if I must talk in a environmental nerd way).. It's so easy for people to be let in, but once they do come, I find it so hard to let go. Each time one does escape, I am left with a hole in my heart. Seriously. I think my heart is pretty soon going to look like Swiss cheese. You know, the one with interconnected holes?
I feel vulnerable sometimes. Vulnerable to whatever I may be subjected to because of the people I have come to care so much about.
Some may even think it to be pity that I am so bothered about them. Always finding cheer to make their sorrows disappear. Sometimes I think I have been turning my heart into a swamp, almost drowning those inside in love and concern. And sometimes I feel helpless thinking about how I cannot erase all their pains. It's a conflict inside me. Always.
Like all my recent posts, I am going to end my post on a positive note. Hmm. You must be wondering, how can there even be optimism in this? In this idea of swiss cheese and swamps. Well, my heart is also like a Inn. People come, people will leave. Some will stay longer than the others. Some will leave immediately. Yet its premises will always echo with the laughs of near and dear ones. You see, my heart can be many things. But lonely, it will never be. It will miss those who choose to scrape off a bit and part, but it will choose to continue beating, for the sake of those who chose to stay.
 |
| Yes, that rose.. Remember? |
Talking and discussing fears brought me to such a room. Of mirrors. No escape routes. No parachutes to shield the fall.
I fear losing the people I care about so much. Yes, I know, it does not make me a One-in-a-billion person, everybody fears it. But it's my greatest fear. The friend in this case talked about deletion of people who got too close. And it instilled in me, a fear. You see, my life is like the Ozone layer (if I must talk in a environmental nerd way).. It's so easy for people to be let in, but once they do come, I find it so hard to let go. Each time one does escape, I am left with a hole in my heart. Seriously. I think my heart is pretty soon going to look like Swiss cheese. You know, the one with interconnected holes?
I feel vulnerable sometimes. Vulnerable to whatever I may be subjected to because of the people I have come to care so much about.
Some may even think it to be pity that I am so bothered about them. Always finding cheer to make their sorrows disappear. Sometimes I think I have been turning my heart into a swamp, almost drowning those inside in love and concern. And sometimes I feel helpless thinking about how I cannot erase all their pains. It's a conflict inside me. Always.
Like all my recent posts, I am going to end my post on a positive note. Hmm. You must be wondering, how can there even be optimism in this? In this idea of swiss cheese and swamps. Well, my heart is also like a Inn. People come, people will leave. Some will stay longer than the others. Some will leave immediately. Yet its premises will always echo with the laughs of near and dear ones. You see, my heart can be many things. But lonely, it will never be. It will miss those who choose to scrape off a bit and part, but it will choose to continue beating, for the sake of those who chose to stay.
Comments
Post a Comment