In dodo's head

As the year almost draws to an end, As we ready ourselves to welcome the new one, Manchester, June 2011 With open arms and heightened hopes, I look back at my past year, And see glimpses of jubilation and sorrow. There were days when I was on top of the world, When I felt loved and cared for, And yet there were moments, When I felt like I was screaming and no one was listening. And along this year's road, I learned many lessons, This world is a cruel place to the confused, The early bird gets a place in LSE, And clouds come in all shapes and sizes. No matter how hard you try, You will always end up feeling like a prize trophy or scar, Who they flaunt and hide in in their kitty parties. People sometimes say what they don't mean, And if you take it all to your heart, Pretty soon, it will feel like a punctured, bullet riddled organ. Take nothing to heart, Screen them all out, And a happy world it is. Imphal, August 2011 Drown out the cynics, ...

I am just like you, I have dreams too. In those dreams I succeed, In those dreams I survive. I hold them close, These dreams of mine. I just want to be me. Just want to exist carefree, Be where people can pursue all that they want. Where they are not held back by cautious hands. How can I let myself fly, When I am being held back. Let me go once a while, Let me dream a little bit. Let me fool myself into thinking I am good enough. This world will crash those dreams, Like waves crashing against a wall of rocks, But let me still ride the waves for a while, Feel the exultation of flight. Have you not had crazy dreams too, About what you could be in a forgiving world. Why then do you go crushing my dreams, And driving me into a cocoon.

It's been three months since I moved to London for my Masters, and the more I explore this place, the more I realise how wrong I was about it not as beautiful as many of the smaller cities. (Southbank, 23rd december 2011) It's got its own charm, and I see it now..  I am sorry London, to have been too quick to judge you.. Now that I know you more, and have begun to figure out your maze of roads and localities, I am beginning to appreciate you a lot more. #LessonLearned- Do not be too quick to form opinions. Give it time, it might grow on you..

So I think about those times a lot.. and the plot of most of my dreams seems to be focused on my Welham days.. It's been four years and the thread which binds me to that hallowed place still has not worn out by the spaces of time. I seem to live most of my life now in rewind motion.. I seem to think only of the days gone by, which I guess is because the future is only a question mark.. Oh how I miss my school! Welham.. Like all other memories, I only realise how precious the years I spent there were now.. I am finally beginning to understand why my parents gathered up the courage to send their only child far away from the comforts of their home to a small town in Northern India.. Being an only child means growing up feeling that the world revolves around you; closed ones always telling you how wonderful you are, fending you off from all things bad in the world, and protecting you.. They are there to hold you when you have a bad dream, there to cook or get you all that you ...

I have not thought of her as much as I ought to.. She was my first best friend and probably I will never find another as giving as she was.. I do not know how old she was when I was born, but as far back as my memory goes, she was there to run around me and look at me with those deep brown eyes. Angie was her name, or NG as I thought her name was as a kid.. It was only later when I was in boarding school that I realised the significance of the name my parents had given her. She was a German Shepherd and living up to that name, she was very protective of all those she thought of as her pack.. I remember days when we would play hide and seek, of course the team with Angie always won.. Of course she was not as helpful when it came to other things.. She would bury towels, cutlery and anything else that she could get her paws on in her house.. She did not let one stranger inside her gate, having her ensured that they (and cats of course) stayed at least a mile away from her house.. ...

The first weekend of my winter break. Yearning to be back home with loved ones but instead have to be content in my room.. I look out of my window hoping to see rolling green hills and blue skies, and instead see the overarching grey sky and the jail-like dull grey school building..

(I wish I took this picture, but I didnt. I found it on the Internet) My father once told me- you know, Bem.. When you are busy in life, you wish for freedom. When you are in school, you wish you didn't have to study, you wish you didn't have exams.. But once you get that freedom, you won't like it anymore. You will want things to do.. How wise were those words. I just submitted my essays, and here I am in my room, Free as a bird. But I don't feel the exaltation I thought I would be feeling. I feel restless, like I want my next essay to be due soon, so that I am occupied with something, and then can waste time and feel like I am indulging.. What is it about doing things you are not supposed to, like eat that extra slice of cake, or procrastinate for that extra hour when you have a presentation due..

On the bus back home, I found myself thinking about my loved ones, each of them far away from where I am and yet being held close to my heart.. Their love getting me through each day. Pon and Zi cartoon- sums up what I feel  :) I realized that each of them had a special quality or two or even more that I wished I had, that each had that something which I hope I can emulate in some way atleast some day.. From my mother, I would like Courage, Courage to face all opponents head on and never take No for an answer,  Also, the strength to always be there for her family and friends through thick and thin. From my father, Patience. Patience to meet each day with a smile and to take joy in small things. To look at each day as a gift and to never grumble or question what is dealt to you, Instead to embrace it and make the most of it. From my grandmother Boma and my aunt Toae, Unconditional love, The way they love those in their lives no matter how the...